Well technically, this is about my fourth crush. or there about. Truth is I can’t actually remember or don’t want to. And I am terrified to count because frankly, every time I try to figure out whether she is my fourth or twentieth, some other hoodoo girl pops up and takes me down some unwanted memory lane. So, long count short, she is my
fourth first crush. Comprende?
Where are my manners! Hello there Sykestingians. Sykians. Sykofans. I haven’t decided what I will call you yet.
Ahem. Cue some Barry White..
So I write this under the influence of some pain medication because, well, I don’t have to tell you that crushes are just from the devil. There is a crush kingdom somewhere and the devil is king. They make you, if you’re lucky, feel like a clueless little baby who doesn’t know any better. A creature from Pluto if you aren’t so lucky! And Pluto isn’t even a planet anymore! But we survive, scathed, we survive!
Ok, now let’s hear that Barry White..
See this girl was perfect. (Yes cliché. Deal with it). From her hair to her smile to her toes. She had such tiny fingers which I would find amusing and find any way to tease her about it. She was always decently dress. And her personality was heavenly. In all those years I could find nothing wrong with her. Every time I saw her I would freeze. Stare. Calculate. Imagine. Freeze again. And she knew I liked her. She knew how to wind me up. She would talk slow. So slow you’d hear every word and forced to stare at her lips. SWOON. You have to understand that I derived a lot of my ideal qualities in a potential partner from this girl. That’s why she gets a whole piece.
I am ashamed at the fact that in three years of torture of swooning over this girl, I never asked her out. Never. Truth be told though, its not for lack of trying. I remember this one time I thought I was ready. Yeah, have you ever seen an iron balloon? Y’ALL SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME! I walked into the room she was in and proceeded to start some inconsequential story. It was all going well until an awkward silence crept in and she made a “Are you gonna ask me out or what” look. Your friend Sykes here started mixing up his word. Mumbling. “Do you like me? Would you like to go it with me?” Is what I ought to have said. Only I doubt I phrased it so. And when words failed me, my body took over. I literally ran out of the room!
But I was young. And shy. I had no clue how to ask a girl out let alone tell if she was interested. Looking back now though she must have thrown everything at me to let me know. Men
wont can’t read signs and all.
She once strongly insinuated that my feelings for her could be reciprocated. I lost my marbles! Rush me to a funny farm! It should have cleared the air for me. It should have curved out the path for a love of a lifetime, for romeo and Juliet to finally be together, for the frog to finally turn into a prince. huh. I just said that. huh. Instead, no such thing materialized. It had the opposite effect. Not sure why. I went crazy for it, but I waived its notion.
I later came to realise that she was already spoken for!
Cut the Barry White.
Why am I telling you about this particular crush? We pick up a couple of things from my experience for my journey.
1. I learnt how to carry myself around beautiful women. Important for any asocial guy with geek glasses to go. I will put down a special piece about this for y’all later.
2. I covered the basics of how to tell when a girl likes me. Again, if you are anything like me you will know how important this is.
3. I picked up on a few qualities I like in a girl. Lastly and most importantly,
4. I learnt how to notice when I am in a potential swoon-related situation. And promptly proceed to quash it without any respite.
I know there is a 75% chance that you will read this, so this here is dedicated to you, my
fourth first crush. You rocked my world back then.