So here I am. Trying to write again. It feels like an awful lot of time has passed since I have been in the frame of mind to put down my thoughts coherently. I was so young back then. And life seemed like it would just be at the tip of my pen. I was definitely a different person. Naive. But not in the sense that I would let someone push me around, no. Naive in the things I thought mattered in the world. Naive in the things that I thought would last forever. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew who I was and what I would become . A little less than ten years later and all my beliefs are up in the air! The things I thought I were, I brutally discovered I wasn’t and the things I thought I was not, I now grasp as my sanity.
Now? Now I guess am all about knowing myself. Teaching myself who I have become. Realizing that being wrong is not such a bad thing. That getting hurt is as refreshing as being loved. And most importantly that change is inevitable. I am learning to understand that I have been shaped by not only love but by hate as well, anger and happiness, light at the end and darkness from within. Maybe not with equal measure, but with great impact nonetheless.
I have recently been stumbling, intentionally or otherwise, into my past, (with such dire consequences!) and I realize that this journey that has led me here is not one I would have picked at the beginning. Sure, I have learnt invaluable lessons but I feel like I have lost so much more; time, energy, opportunities and more so myself. My identity. And at every instance that I try to restore the balance, the cruel unbalanced world is restored.
So, your mission, should you choose to accept, will be to join me in my journey. A journey to discover me. The things I have done and the ones I am yet to do. I promise the next will not be so dull and gloomy! And I hope I get to share all this with you.